Reflections!!!

whatever you said perhaps meant nothing, nothing at all...
I have known you and still there is something that remains a mystery
was it you I wonder after so many cups of coffee
who could have let me fall, who could see me lose myself
and yet not help me hold

we had started long ago, an autumn dusk, a cup of coffee and cigarettes
we both were young then, both excited to be sneaking out of our homes
and spending our evenings together
sex was not in our mind then, we were young to be innocent
and scared yet to behave like adults

today when I rest on your chest, it does not feel the same anymore
at one time I use to wait for you to hold me
it was a gesture that reassured me life
now it’s a mundane routine of togetherness
it took me a long time to understand the pattern underneath

the poems, the flowers, the initial sweet nothings
had nothing to do with my being
it was all a play and you acted well
whatever you say now stands in stark contrast to what I felt
but nonetheless they are as true as me and you

it’s does not make you wrong or bad, they are feeble accusations of distress
it’s just the game that you play, to kill time or to test your prowess
I am just a mere prey
The underlying threat of losing you is a reality now
Your conscience remains unadulterated
Cause there has been no deceit, you had warned me all along
It’s me and my faith in love that failed

It was me who argued that love can heal
And now I am wounded so bad that I am not sure what will heal me
Even being with you has become a farce now
And letting you go still so very painful, even though you aren’t mine,
You never were!